


Constructions And Renovations

by OurDeal



Series: City Limits [6]
Category: Professional Wrestling, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Alternate Universe, Body Image, M/M, Mention of Occult Magic, OOC, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 06:46:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17596445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OurDeal/pseuds/OurDeal
Summary: Finn and Seth in a moment of calm and quiet where they can assess and look back on their small family. Seth still tries to deal with the self-hate he has, but other feelings he has pushed down for so long begin to surface, but Finn is there to support and adore him through it.*Total Work Of Fiction**One-Shot





	Constructions And Renovations

            “Okay honey, I know you’re tired and school was rough. I am happy that you already did your homework and yes, since I know you missed them so much, you can go and take a nap. Daddy or I will wake you up in an hour.” Seth leans down to kiss his daughter who he just tucked in for her nap. He still holds a suspension of disbelief that this life that he has right now is all a dream—a sort of delusion that no one wants to tell him about. He wants to believe in one moment, and even though Finn has told him multiple times that this life of his is real, and that Aoife and Lir are real, he still has doubts. He always thinks that everything that he knows about his relationship to his reality is just some fabricated lie by the demon king. Running his hand through Aoife’s hair as she closes her eyes, he kisses her on the forehead again before leaving her room. One day, she was a tiny baby in his arms and the next—the next day, she’s a girl who acts more like a tiny woman, who runs around in his backyard on the weekends. Then there’s the case of his son, who even at six-weeks-old has already started to develop quite the personality. Walking down the short hallway to his shared room, Finn is already lying in their bed, waiting for him to arrive.

            “Hey babe, what’s wrong?” For the first time in a while, Seth knows that the cracks in the armor are starting to show. Seth can only shake his head in disappointment—for himself at least. He can already feel tears make their way down his face, and the wall that he’s built crumbles right in front of the man he has protected from what, he doesn’t know. He never wanted these feelings to come out and damage his relationship, yet here he is, with all of his feelings flowing out of him like a river. Burying his face into his pillow, he can feel Finn’s arms wrap around him before pulling him close. Finn’s fingers run themselves through Seth’s hair as Seth tucks his face into Finn’s chest. Guilt, sadness, rage, anxiety, and fear crawl up his spine and into his tears. Seth can feel himself gasping for air while Finn runs his hand up and down Seth’s back.

            “I’m so sorry Finn. I-I’m s-s-s-sorry that y-y-you got me. That it’s me who’s l-l-losing it. I’m just so distraught at everything. I am so angry at how things panned out over the last five years. I still feel guilty over what happened five years ago and I am so sad at the fact that it happened, and it messed up how I felt about having Lir. I am scared and nervous at finding out that everything I have is all a lie. That you and I were never in a relationship and that our children don’t exist. I know it sounds ridiculous but to me, this fear is real. I don’t know where my mind stops making up the lies and where reality sets in. I feel horrible that I’ve always had a nagging feeling that everything I have that has been good in my life was just some delusion that I made myself believe. That my reality was so horrid that I created this one to cope with it. Every day I get a little better, but I still get scared about waking up one day to a cold and empty house. To no laughter from either you or Aoife or crying from Lir. I always think that everything that makes me happy has its time limit and that I am constantly trying to find when it will end.

I want you to know that there’s nothing that can make me think otherwise, and it’s not your fault. It’s just that I’ve done so much bad in my life that now when good things are happening all around me and to me, that I find it hard to step back and believe in myself. I love that you believe in me so much, and I wish I could do the same for myself. I love you so much that the thought of this not being real has plagued me since before we were married. When I first met you, you were all I thought about for weeks. I would sit on extra cases of sound gear in the back hallways of the arenas that we toured in and just think about you. I would think about how you’re so perfect and so special, and that me—little old me wasn’t worth the ground your shoes walked on. I would think about how you would never feel the same about me like I felt about you. I even remember before you even arrived at _NXT_ , hearing about you from some of my friends. They would show me videos of you and all of the things you did in Japan before coming here. I remember thinking that your talent was second to none and that you would have such a bright future here. Then, to have you called up to the same show that I am on—it was pure luck for me that you walked right into my line of vision. The screaming in my brain stopped for a second, and all I saw was you. You bring out the best in me, and I try even harder to just be because of you.” Seth looks into Finn’s eyes, who are now watering with unshed tears. There’s something to be said about Finn’s arms being Seth’s safe space—where he feels as if nothing could hurt him and everything is possible.

            “I am going to tell you a story, alright Seth? I just want you to listen.” Finn kisses Seth ever so gently while some tears end up leaving his eyes. Seth’s thumbs go to swipe the moisture away from Finn’s face before smiling and placing one of his ears against Finn’s chest. He can hear the heart that gives him life and for the first time, he can’t help but listen closely. He nods to Finn to let him know to continue, while Finn on the other hand, keeps on running his fingers through Seth’s hair.

            “So, before I met you, I had been in two previous relationships. One was with Sami, and the other was with Hideo. Now Sami and I were the best of friends who had done everything together before we ever realized our feelings for each other. When we got together, everything felt natural and it flowed very well—until it didn’t. One day, Sami just looked me in the eyes and said: ‘I don’t think I can love you as my boyfriend anymore’. I knew then that he had found someone else to love, and that although we would remain friends afterward, that our friendship would never be the same. I loved him with everything I ever had, but it always felt like I gave him everything and all he could give me was a fifth of himself. With Hideo—Hideo is a completely different story. He and I ended up together in a short amount of time. When he first got injured and was off for months, I would be the one to visit him every day to make sure that he was okay. From there, we just kind of ended up together. I don’t really remember when it happened or how, but it happened. I actually thought that I would have a future with him. He was the guy who I was going to marry and who I would adopt children with. There was something at the time that Hideo hid from me—and it was severe in what it was. He wasn’t the man who I had fallen in love with in the first place. He was sweet and understanding at first—considerate to a fault and he meant everything to me. Every waking second, I thought about him, and how I couldn’t wait to marry him one day.

As the time went on though, he slowly started showing who he really was. It would start out as small things—like leaving passive-aggressive notes in the bathroom about cleaning or a small note on my pillow about how he loved me but hated how I did something. It slowly started growing into a bigger issue where he would yell and scream at me about how I was the worst thing that could ever happen to him and that I would betray him like I did Taguchi. He would break me down to my lowest form, and once he knew that he got me there, he would build me back up with sweet words and gestures—only to do it again, and again, and again. The worst part was the night that he had come back to the apartment that we shared only to tell me that he had moved on a long time ago and that I was no longer of interest to him. He told me to pack everything I could carry right away and move out by the next morning. He had left me in that apartment as a shattered mess. At the time, I had just started working on a character for _NXT_ , and it was the same night that I called on the demon from Irish legends. I knew this dark ritual that was told in Irish lore and in my grief and anger, I let the demon in.

For almost a whole year I sat in my grief and just lived life through the lenses of the demon. I taught him how to act normal in front of people so not to give himself away, but I had asked that in return he let me be. When I finally got called up and I saw you, I felt this new hope in my chest. It was like the sky had opened up for the first time and I no longer was in the dark. I fell in love with you—just for who you are. I knew about what had happened in the past, and I was okay with that because I had done the same. I saw you work up to your redemption, and I saw the hurt when you were betrayed. I wanted to scream when that had happened, but I had held it together instead. When I finally got to spend time with you, it only made my feelings for you that much stronger. I knew then and there that you were it for me. More so than Hideo and Sami ever could be.

I wanted to scream from the top rope ‘I understand you’ while you would be in the room if it meant that you could see that you weren’t alone in your feelings. When we married, and I was able to see you for the first time not as my boyfriend or fiancé but as my husband, I swore on my life that my heart could have fallen out of my chest and I wouldn’t have cared. You mean so much to me that I wanted everything good in the world to happen to you. When you told me a couple of years later that you wanted to try to have kids, I just thought that we would be starting an adoption application, but when the demon explained it to me, I heard my heart shatter in fear. I was scared that it would go wrong and that I would cause nothing but pain for you. Yet, you pushed on, and you tried your best to deal with the pain, even if I could fix it. When I finally saw you crying from the pain, my heart died within my chest. I couldn’t believe that after all of this time, that you were still in pain. I remember thinking to myself and every day after that on how I couldn’t do anything but hurt you. I didn’t want to touch you in fear that I would hurt you even more—because I saw the visions that the demon gave to me, and I had wished that it wasn’t me. When you finally broke through that wall, I couldn’t believe that you were my knight in shining armor on a white horse, riding in to rescue me from my own feelings. You got me to let go of my fears and completely trust.” Finn’s smiling at Seth again before kissing him deeply, while Seth is just speechless at what he has just heard so far. It hurts him to know that Finn hurt even more than he ever did once upon a time. Finn sighs with a deep breath, ready to continue the story.

            “When you told me that you thought that you could be having our baby, I almost fainted. I thought that even if the demon kept his promise, that it wouldn’t work. I was so happy to be given this opportunity with you, and I was beyond ecstatic at the possibility. When we first heard her heartbeat, I couldn’t believe it—she was there, waiting to meet us. You carried her with so much grace it was amazing. I used to wish that I had a fifth of the strength that you had. You let her grow and you loved her so much—even before meeting her. It was amazing to see you interact with her. After she was born, even if she was early, you were amazing with her. The way you would hold her so close to you when she would cry for anything, or despite being in pain for the first three weeks, you would go and get her. You volunteered yourself to go through all of this pain just so that she could happen. Then five years later, you decided to do it again, even if you knew that your body would be in pain again. You took being with Lir as another experience. It was amazing to watch, especially how you would talk to him at night.” Finn ends up pulling Seth to his feet along with himself, before taking Seth by the wrist and lead him to their master bathroom. Finn makes Seth look at him first, silently asking permission while Seth just ends up nodding. Turning Seth to look at himself and Finn in the full-length mirror, there are tears in both of their eyes, and Finn slowly starts to lift the hem of Seth’s shirt. Seth hasn’t been comfortable being without a shirt since before Aoife was born. The thoughts have hurt Seth to a point that he won’t even wrestle anymore without wearing some type of shirt. Finn places his lips against Seth’s cheek, while hands lay flat against his stomach and fingers are spread over the scars from the creation and growth of two children.

            “Seth, you used to be so proud of these scars, and now, you carry so much shame with them. You don’t let anyone see you, especially me, without a shirt, and you try your best to hide it from the rest of the world. These scars, for me, are something that I am so proud of you for. You sacrificed so much to bring new life into our small family, and you took each pain with dignity. You let yourself not make a fuss about your pain, even if it was overwhelming and horrid. You did it without complaint. But now, when you look at these scars, I can see the shame in your eyes. You hate them, and now you hate yourself. These scars mean so much more than what you’ve told yourself. You shame yourself for something that should be celebrated.” Finn takes Seth by the hand again to lead him back to their room. Gesturing for Seth to lay down, Finn lies down next to him. He lifts the hem of Seth’s shirt again, while Seth closes his eyes tight, not wanting to look at the scars that made him not be able to see himself the same. He feels the feather-light touches of Finn’s lips against his scars and the light pressure of Finn pressing an ear to one of Seth’s hipbones so that he could get a level look at the scar. Finn can see the different textures of the scars. Finn can’t help but to lightly skim the tips of his fingers against the scars.

            “You don’t know how beautiful I find these, but if it takes me the rest of our lives to show you and tell you, then so be it. These are the scars of someone who made the ultimate sacrifice and willingly gave up their body for someone else who they loved before even meeting.” Finn can only smile to himself as he kisses the scars individually. Finn loves Seth, imperfections and all, and these scars are just another chapter in their life story.


End file.
